i'm ok =)

salaam dear readers!

Ignore the previous post. I don't know what i was thinking writing that. Maybe too much emotions going through during that time. And maybe, a result of thinking too much.

Not all the people I know, or those who know me, will love or even like me. Why should I care right? I realise, while I was reading back all the smses that are in my hp that there are a bunch of people out there who loves me, who cares for me.

I would like to thank, again, all those who had wished me because of 2410. Your wishes brighten up my day. =)

I am trying to get rid of the pessimism and increase the volume of optimism. I'm glad that I decided to go for arabic lessons. It boost my confidence a bit. And with my father keeping on saying that last year's H1 maths pure mathematics section is easy, It has influenced me a bit to believe in that statement. Haha.

Left with gp. Can I make it? I'm scared.

With Allah's help. Anything is possible. =)

I love my family and friends. Thanks for everything.

That's all from me for now.

7 days

salaam,

It is really hard to believe, but it is one more week, 7 days, 168 hrs to A LEVELS. How I wish I was dreaming and when I wake up, I'm still in pre-u 1. Knocking my head, or better still I need to bang my head against the wall. Why? Because I know I'm not ready yet, not even as ready when I was taking my O’s and it's the big A and I'm not ready. I am not what I used to be anymore. I feel quite useless, thinking that all I can blame is myself, my only self. I know I need to change, but.. I don't feel like it. Funny isn't it? Funny in a scary manner. Deep, I mean, really deep down inside, I feel like giving up but I know I can't. Firstly it's the money. My parents had forked out six hundred plus for my A's and I want to give up? Gosh, what was I thinking. Secondly, I just can't give up, the thought is there but I can't make myself do it. On the other hand, although I'm not giving up, I'm not giving my best either. Weird. I'm between giving up and giving my best. So how? I just realise this while I'm typing away. Haha. I still can't figure what's wrong with me and seven days left.

Besides that, I've created a problem and it's bugging me ever since. This is what happens if you mind other people's business, in short, kepoh. Hah. I know, I should not dwell on this matter but the facts seem so true. I really need an explanation but how could I get an explanation from an unwilling party? I wish for a peace in mind. I'm still unsure if I could attain it.

Maybe, I'm just imagining this superficial problem. Maybe, I've misunderstood the facts. Maybe, I've dump myself in this mess that has got nothing to do with me. I think, I've reached a point whereby, I just don't care if I'm wrong, but I want things to be clear. Right now, I think I'm making a fool of myself. I'm the kind that cannot hide or fake my emotions. Whatever the explanation may be, I'll accept with open arms and I'll be contented, even if you say that you hate me, or I mean nothing to you, It's okay. Stop giving me the cold shoulder, I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry.

One more thing, I'm beginning to hate 2410. I'm just not happy with it. My mood is negative when I met that particular number. Maybe, I'm expecting too much. Oh God, I need to change. In needing of guidance. Always.

This is the result of not focusing and studying. I need to be focus. I should not give up. Never. Remember you old self and reflect on it. Get that high- spirited of you. Insya Allah, everything will be smooth. Forget those who make you sad and angry. Remember there are those who loves you, for who you are. They have high hopes for you, they care for you. You should never give up. Yes, I should not give up.

I feel a bit relieve pouring out. Sometimes, It is up to us to motivate ourselves because, it may come to a point that no one can motivate us. Life is a precious gift; therefore we need to live well. =)

That's all from me for now. =)

how I wish...

Salaam dear readers,

It is less then 3 week to A levels. How I wish that time could slow down for a moment. It is really hard to believe that my life in mwti is coming to an end. After looking and reading at the class blog.. I feel.. a tinge of sadness inside me. Why must the ending be now? Why must we be close when the ending is near? Why is it only now? There must be reasons behind this. Maybe we will be closer after graduation. Insya Allah.

To my dear pre-u twos, stay healthy and happy always. Let's do the best for our last test together. I believe that all of us can achieve our best with His help. I love all of you. Thanks for the friendship that you have given me.

~~~~~~~~~~

Last saturday was one of the best days I had this year. Besties, you are a bunch of friends that I treasured most. I believe, this ukhwah is lillahi taala. The reason we become the best of friends is truly amazing. We may not be contacting each other that much, as we had parted in the quest for knowledge, but, deep down I'll be praying for you and remembering you always. Take care k besties. =)

~~~~~~~~~~

Ouh, and I miss S5o7. Although got the chance to meet up with some yesterday, had little chance to talk to them. Someone said I've change. Do I? Hope I've change to become better, not worse. Hope they are doing fine in their own lives. =)

~~~~~~~~~~

Getting towards A levels is scary. I need to gear up. Let the last trial be the best one.

I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to school tomorrow. Maybe both?

I need a miracle, or someone that can really knock some sense into me.

I need to stand up on my own. Well, in the end it is just between me and Allah.

~~~~~~~~~~

That's all from me for now.

what happened?

salaam dearest people.

First of all, I hope it is not too late to wish my beloved readers eidul fitri mubarak! Let's pray that we get to meet the next Ramadhan. Ameen.

Next, as the title says, I really am not sure what's going on with my life. Firstly, I realized that the holidays has made me more lazier than usual. Next week is my A LEVELS PRELIMS, and what have I revised? NONE. The moment I start to study, I'll feel sleepy, and then I sleep. This has been the routine the past three days. Gosh, I feel like kicking myself hard. Maybe, just maybe, I'm at the bottom of the wheel.

I just can't understand myself. I've been waiting since last year to have the time to just focus on my studies, and when I've already been given the period of time to study, I just don't feel like it. It's annoying, especially the problem arises from me alone and the only one that I get to blame is me.

School's exam aka the ukhrawi exams has finished and although I’m quite relieve I’m not sure if the results are fulfilling. Well, I just hope I can get the minimum grade to qualify to enter any university in the world. k.. I think I'm exaggerating. But well, with the effort put in, it is a miracle if I ace any subjects.

Why am I sooo pessimist? I miss my old self. Oh God, when can I get my old self back? Or has my old self gone for good? Or is it hidden because it doesn’t have the will to shine?

I think I'm confused enough.

What I can say for sure that I'm happy to have an Iftar with my beloved Pre-U2 09, my beloved club and my dearest besties.

Not sure why I'm not into the festive mood this year. Not sure if I'll be celebrating Eid here next year.

And I think i miss nature too much. I need to clear my head. I feel like calling up a service that could clear my room.

Should I go tomorrow?

One thing for sure, I need to meet her to lift up my spirits.

Who can I trust? Only Allah for sure.

Too many random thoughts. Sorry for the confusion caused. I'm confused myself.

That's all from me for now.

and i feel i can fly =)

Salam to all...

I've been meaning to blog the past two days, but I've been quite busy (as usual). This post may be the last post till I finish my A levels as i think there will be no more interesting things or updates about myself other that my most important studies.

I can't believe that the one year I've been waiting for it to end has ended. One year full of responsibilities, emotions and experiences. Being an assistant head prefect, vice president of a club and a mentor in unit ibadah and dakwah is a very heavy responsibility. I was unsure if I really could handle all this. It was quite hard for me in the beginning. But as time passes, each incident that happened to me is a lesson for me to learn and reflect on. I can't say that I had a great time holding all these responsibilities and neither could I say that I was really depressed. Yes, I was stressed, a couple of times but this makes me stronger. I could say for sure, that I've tried my best in coping with all these responsibilities. This one year has changed me from who I was before in my previous school. The experiences that I get for this one year is priceless. Maybe I wasn't the best from the previous batches, but I've tried my best in holding these responsibilities. I had many more ambitions, but time is not on my side. I hope the next batch will do their best.

To the one that has been through with me ups and downs in all these 3 posts that was given to us one year ago, thank you. Thank you for not giving up, for your understanding and patience. Thanks for believing in me. May Allah bless you.

To the one that has given me the post as an assistant Head Prefect, thank you for believing in me, trusting me with this big responsibility and guiding me while you can, giving me motivations when I was really down. Thanks for always encouraging me to do the best that I can.

To the one that has helped me out a lot since just before I enter mwti, my beloved elder sister, friend and senior in both schools, thank you for the advice that you had given me while you can, the positive things that you pointed out when I was in mwti and giving me hope and love. I miss you so much.

To the one who left me halfway last year, thank you for the attention you had given me although we are not in the same school anymore. Thanks for lending me your ear and your humble advices. May our friendship continue, lillahi ta'ala.

To the one that I've been close to since I was in sec 3, thank you for knocking me in the head several times and making me realise some things. You may think that you had not done anything, but you taught me a lot in life indirectly. I will always love you no matter what.

To the one that I just got to know in mwti, the one that I always scold for not eating, thank you for your encouraging words when I was really down, for supporting me all the way and guiding me when I feel there is no way out. Thank you. Sorry if sometimes I was too harsh on you.

To my besties, thank you for always being there for me when I need you. thanks for showering me with your care and concern. I love you all. =D

To my fellow classmates, Thank you for your support and kind attention towards me. May our ukhwah doesn't end here.

To last year pre-u twos, you guys are a bunch of seniors that I would not forget. Thank you for the friendship. I had a lot of fun when you guys were around!

To me beloved juniors, thank you for teaching me things that I never knew, for the support that you guys had given me, for your love, although I'm just a new student. And those 'problematic' juniors, you are the ones that make the most impact in my life. Whatever it is, I love you all.

To my beloved form teacher who chose me to enter an arabic debate although I quite resented in the first place, thank you for making me realise a lot of things. Ustaz, your words always make me think. Your advice had help me improve in mwti. I will always remember you. Insya Allah.

To the teacher that made me love sastera, thank you for your encouragement and the belief that you had on me although I'm a new student in mwti. Thank you Cikgu. =)

To the pre-u ones students, I understand the emotions that are running through you right now. My advice is, do your very best, without neglecting your studies. Whatever hardship that you are faced with, look at the bright side and the positive things even it is very small. Believe me, the experience that you get is priceless. The most important thing is, be good role models to your juniors because after us, you are the ones they will look up to. You can't change the school, but you can change yourselves. =)

Last but not least, I thank God for this opportunity. I love you Allah. You know what is best for me.

That's all from me for now. =)

my feelings for today.. express in a song... =)

Oh bulan, enggan melayan diriku lagi
pabila,
air mata membasahi pipi
dan lagu2 di radio seolah2 memerli aku
pabila,
kau bersama yg lain

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

ku enggan
berpura pura ku bahagia
ku enggan
melihat kau bersama si dia
oh ku akui cemburu
mula menular dalam diri
pabila
kau bersama yang lain

adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu
kau juga merindui aku

pabila kau merenung matanya
ku rebah,
jatuh ke bumi..........
di saat kau benar-benar mahu pergi
seperti ku bernafas dalam air
adakah perasaaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
di sebalik senyuman mu itu kau juga merindui aku
oh
dan sebenarnya...
aku rindu......
dan sebenarnya....
dan sebenarnya....
aku tak mampu........

yuna- dan sebenarnya.

Thanks to rhy I got hooked to this song. =)

That's all from me for now.

what a day

salam everyone!

What a day I had today. Felt many emotions for today. From happy to exhausted to angry to sad and then, back to normal. Here is the story.

I was happy when leymah ask if i want to go to the zoo or not, and of course, I answered yes! I'm feeling really bored at home and yeah, I know I need to study and all, but, I can't and don't ask why. So I took this opportunity to be happy and merry. I just want to get rid of all the negative vibes, emotions that I'm currently having. So, just now, went to the zoo with leymah, syazm and her bubbly little sister. Thanks to syazm that I get to enter the zoo for free! heh. Had a great time. Although there's only 4 of us but we were enjoying ourselves and we were never bored as syazm lil sis was cheerful and bubbly all the time. Thank God that the weather is just nice and the sun was not scorching hot for today. We tour the whole zoo. We took a lot of pictures with my camera and camera phone, leymah's and syazm's camera phone. So that's a lot of pictures. -pictures are available on facebook-

Went home at around 4 pm and boy, how tired and exhausted are we. Luckily we got seat in the bus as the bus driver stop exactly in front of me and leymah. we, being kiasu of course. hehe. Walk around Lot 1 for a while, although my feet is aching like mad and went home.

When I reached home, my brother really made me angry because of something. Well, it is usual for him to irritate me but I was really mad just now. well, I suppose I just need to have some patience in myself and maybe I was feeling quite tired after that trip. After that, I decided to surf the net to release some stress.

While surfing the net, I decided to go to his blog. After just reading this one line, I felt sad and heartbroken. I don't know the sahih-ness of that sentence but it really broke my heart. I felt it is the end.

But then, after a few seconds, everthing went back to normal. My emotions are stable. I am puzzled with my own self. But Alhamdulillah, this hearbroken is even shorter that before. I know, life has to move on and it is useless to dwell on things that we don't have control on. I am really thankful to Allah Almighty that make things work in such a way that even I don't understand. Alhamdulillah. Things happen for a reason. It is up to us to find out and to accept it. -redha-.

Lastly, I have a request to make. Please do not comment anything about him in the tagboard. Ask me directly ok people. Thanks. =)

That's all from me for now.