i'm ok =)

salaam dear readers!

Ignore the previous post. I don't know what i was thinking writing that. Maybe too much emotions going through during that time. And maybe, a result of thinking too much.

Not all the people I know, or those who know me, will love or even like me. Why should I care right? I realise, while I was reading back all the smses that are in my hp that there are a bunch of people out there who loves me, who cares for me.

I would like to thank, again, all those who had wished me because of 2410. Your wishes brighten up my day. =)

I am trying to get rid of the pessimism and increase the volume of optimism. I'm glad that I decided to go for arabic lessons. It boost my confidence a bit. And with my father keeping on saying that last year's H1 maths pure mathematics section is easy, It has influenced me a bit to believe in that statement. Haha.

Left with gp. Can I make it? I'm scared.

With Allah's help. Anything is possible. =)

I love my family and friends. Thanks for everything.

That's all from me for now.

7 days

salaam,

It is really hard to believe, but it is one more week, 7 days, 168 hrs to A LEVELS. How I wish I was dreaming and when I wake up, I'm still in pre-u 1. Knocking my head, or better still I need to bang my head against the wall. Why? Because I know I'm not ready yet, not even as ready when I was taking my O’s and it's the big A and I'm not ready. I am not what I used to be anymore. I feel quite useless, thinking that all I can blame is myself, my only self. I know I need to change, but.. I don't feel like it. Funny isn't it? Funny in a scary manner. Deep, I mean, really deep down inside, I feel like giving up but I know I can't. Firstly it's the money. My parents had forked out six hundred plus for my A's and I want to give up? Gosh, what was I thinking. Secondly, I just can't give up, the thought is there but I can't make myself do it. On the other hand, although I'm not giving up, I'm not giving my best either. Weird. I'm between giving up and giving my best. So how? I just realise this while I'm typing away. Haha. I still can't figure what's wrong with me and seven days left.

Besides that, I've created a problem and it's bugging me ever since. This is what happens if you mind other people's business, in short, kepoh. Hah. I know, I should not dwell on this matter but the facts seem so true. I really need an explanation but how could I get an explanation from an unwilling party? I wish for a peace in mind. I'm still unsure if I could attain it.

Maybe, I'm just imagining this superficial problem. Maybe, I've misunderstood the facts. Maybe, I've dump myself in this mess that has got nothing to do with me. I think, I've reached a point whereby, I just don't care if I'm wrong, but I want things to be clear. Right now, I think I'm making a fool of myself. I'm the kind that cannot hide or fake my emotions. Whatever the explanation may be, I'll accept with open arms and I'll be contented, even if you say that you hate me, or I mean nothing to you, It's okay. Stop giving me the cold shoulder, I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry.

One more thing, I'm beginning to hate 2410. I'm just not happy with it. My mood is negative when I met that particular number. Maybe, I'm expecting too much. Oh God, I need to change. In needing of guidance. Always.

This is the result of not focusing and studying. I need to be focus. I should not give up. Never. Remember you old self and reflect on it. Get that high- spirited of you. Insya Allah, everything will be smooth. Forget those who make you sad and angry. Remember there are those who loves you, for who you are. They have high hopes for you, they care for you. You should never give up. Yes, I should not give up.

I feel a bit relieve pouring out. Sometimes, It is up to us to motivate ourselves because, it may come to a point that no one can motivate us. Life is a precious gift; therefore we need to live well. =)

That's all from me for now. =)

how I wish...

Salaam dear readers,

It is less then 3 week to A levels. How I wish that time could slow down for a moment. It is really hard to believe that my life in mwti is coming to an end. After looking and reading at the class blog.. I feel.. a tinge of sadness inside me. Why must the ending be now? Why must we be close when the ending is near? Why is it only now? There must be reasons behind this. Maybe we will be closer after graduation. Insya Allah.

To my dear pre-u twos, stay healthy and happy always. Let's do the best for our last test together. I believe that all of us can achieve our best with His help. I love all of you. Thanks for the friendship that you have given me.

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Last saturday was one of the best days I had this year. Besties, you are a bunch of friends that I treasured most. I believe, this ukhwah is lillahi taala. The reason we become the best of friends is truly amazing. We may not be contacting each other that much, as we had parted in the quest for knowledge, but, deep down I'll be praying for you and remembering you always. Take care k besties. =)

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Ouh, and I miss S5o7. Although got the chance to meet up with some yesterday, had little chance to talk to them. Someone said I've change. Do I? Hope I've change to become better, not worse. Hope they are doing fine in their own lives. =)

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Getting towards A levels is scary. I need to gear up. Let the last trial be the best one.

I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to school tomorrow. Maybe both?

I need a miracle, or someone that can really knock some sense into me.

I need to stand up on my own. Well, in the end it is just between me and Allah.

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That's all from me for now.