7 days

salaam,

It is really hard to believe, but it is one more week, 7 days, 168 hrs to A LEVELS. How I wish I was dreaming and when I wake up, I'm still in pre-u 1. Knocking my head, or better still I need to bang my head against the wall. Why? Because I know I'm not ready yet, not even as ready when I was taking my O’s and it's the big A and I'm not ready. I am not what I used to be anymore. I feel quite useless, thinking that all I can blame is myself, my only self. I know I need to change, but.. I don't feel like it. Funny isn't it? Funny in a scary manner. Deep, I mean, really deep down inside, I feel like giving up but I know I can't. Firstly it's the money. My parents had forked out six hundred plus for my A's and I want to give up? Gosh, what was I thinking. Secondly, I just can't give up, the thought is there but I can't make myself do it. On the other hand, although I'm not giving up, I'm not giving my best either. Weird. I'm between giving up and giving my best. So how? I just realise this while I'm typing away. Haha. I still can't figure what's wrong with me and seven days left.

Besides that, I've created a problem and it's bugging me ever since. This is what happens if you mind other people's business, in short, kepoh. Hah. I know, I should not dwell on this matter but the facts seem so true. I really need an explanation but how could I get an explanation from an unwilling party? I wish for a peace in mind. I'm still unsure if I could attain it.

Maybe, I'm just imagining this superficial problem. Maybe, I've misunderstood the facts. Maybe, I've dump myself in this mess that has got nothing to do with me. I think, I've reached a point whereby, I just don't care if I'm wrong, but I want things to be clear. Right now, I think I'm making a fool of myself. I'm the kind that cannot hide or fake my emotions. Whatever the explanation may be, I'll accept with open arms and I'll be contented, even if you say that you hate me, or I mean nothing to you, It's okay. Stop giving me the cold shoulder, I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry.

One more thing, I'm beginning to hate 2410. I'm just not happy with it. My mood is negative when I met that particular number. Maybe, I'm expecting too much. Oh God, I need to change. In needing of guidance. Always.

This is the result of not focusing and studying. I need to be focus. I should not give up. Never. Remember you old self and reflect on it. Get that high- spirited of you. Insya Allah, everything will be smooth. Forget those who make you sad and angry. Remember there are those who loves you, for who you are. They have high hopes for you, they care for you. You should never give up. Yes, I should not give up.

I feel a bit relieve pouring out. Sometimes, It is up to us to motivate ourselves because, it may come to a point that no one can motivate us. Life is a precious gift; therefore we need to live well. =)

That's all from me for now. =)